Pretty Like Drugs
by Holly Rose E
Summary: Chapter One UP! He was sick, no one had known. If all had gone well, no one would ever have to know. But she had invaded his mind, and found out everything and ruined it for him. Set after Haunted; RaeRob.
1. Prologue: Blue Bell

Pretty Like Drugs  
By: Holly Rose E.  
Rating: PG-13  
Summary: He was sick, no one had known. If all had gone well, no one would ever have to know. But she had invaded his mind, and found out everything and ruined it for him. Set after Haunted; RaeRob.  
Disclaimer: Hey, you. Yeah, you, pssst. I got.. -water-, yo. I'll give ya some, if you don't tell. Hey, check it, i even got -ICE-. i don't own teen titans.  
Author's Note: I apologize profusely for every time the TT get out of character - especially Robin - but I promise I'm going to try my hardest. If they're way out of their ballpark, don't hesitate to tell me!

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Prologue: BlueBell  
Flies through the air with the greatest disease  
Takes little pills and calls them 'trapeze'  
--- Babes in Toyland

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He watched her from the safe confines of his mask, making sure to keep his face immobile and just as unreadable as his cloaked eyes. She had kept her distance from him, but he knew her eyes had barely left his face since he was back in bed and treated some more.

Her eyes were haunting him now, instead of _him_, he had accepted her inside of him without thinking. He had been in a panic, for her safety as well as his own. As he now knew everything of her, she knew all of him. Practically owning his soul, she had claimed him once she had been able to venture into his mind. The one place he had been convinced that he was safe. That none could attack him there, he had a sanctuary, as small as it might have been.

Even knowing she could have done that any time, he felt secure in her respect of privacy. He felt secure she would never break that unspoken rule. He didn't blame her, he would have done the same for any of them had they been where he was.

Had been. It was in the past, Slade was dead, gone forever. Never to return.

He supposed he would never get used to that.

She had been the last to leave, ushering Beast Boy before her, and giving a leveled glance at Cyborg which made his shoulders sag as the night's exertion caught up to the human part of him. He envied his friend, Cyborg may have only been half-human but it seemed he would always be twice the man Robin could ever be.

Her violaceous eyes had flitted back to him, and he felt her. As if she had forgotton part of herself in him and she was rummaging and screaming her presence at him. Her face was just as ungiving in emotion and thoughts as his own, and he desperately wished that she would say something to him. Anything at all would have been fine, just a word. Maybe a smile, she could afford one... just to comfort him.

She didn't though. Instead, she just turned around and was swallowed by her cape and the black of night.

He hung his head, encased the solitary night that offered nothing but abysmal darkness which only a few stars had been able to penetrate. The moon, however, was in full showcase and gleamed at him through the window, taunting and mocking him by basking in its own silvery purity.

He glared at it through blackened eyes, and swung his legs over and stepped down onto the cold tile floor. His teammates had deemed it crucial for him to spend at least one night in the medical lab, merely because he had taken such a beating. Not minding, he shrugged his shoulders lazily, gritting back the grimace as his back muscles screamed at him almost deafening.

Making his way over to the cupboards where they kept all the low-key first aid equipment, he felt it easier to breathe. He opened the cupboard and after seeing vials of antiseptics, along with bottles upon bottles of pain killers and sleeping pills, he shut the door and opened the drawer beneath it. Clutters of assorted band-aids, and unraveling rolls of ace bandages lay discarded from their boxes. He found what he was looking for, though, near the back buried underneath cloths mainly used to wipe up any blood.

He slumped against the wall, and took a deep breath, smiling. It was one of those smiles that would make a person upon viewing it feel the inane urge to cry. It was a smile that screamed out apologies, hurt, and an unrelenting awe at what he held in his fingers.

Sleek, slender, stainless, totally pure as the edge layed pressed against his own finger. Curling up into himself, he laid an arm atop his knees and removed his gloves.

If he wanted to be perfect, so he could protect his friends, and beat Slade... beat any of their future opponents... he had to make himself that.

He began the surgery.  
-End Prologue-

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A/N: I have only a slight idea where I want to take this, , but not to worry... I'll keep kicking my ass till I figure something out! Anyway, flames will be openly mocked and constructive criticism will be cherished and cooed at.  
-Holly 


	2. Chapter One: Bad Habit

Pretty Like Drugs  
By: Holly Rose E.  
Rating: PG-13  
Author's Note: sorry for it being late, guys. It was harder to write for than I thought it would be. :::blush:::

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Chapter One: Bad Habit  
And you might say it's self-indulgent  
You might say it's self-destructive  
But you see it's more productive  
Than if I were to be healthy  
---The Dresden Dolls

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He awoke slowly and rolled ovr, moaning at the pain that was fixated between his shoulder blades. Never one to cry, or at least admit to it, he was nearly compelled to do so at the dull ache that was throbbing in his entire being, consuming all his senses and overriding everything else that may have otherwise been relevant to him.

Throwing an arm over his eyes as he squirmed to try and get a little sense of comfort and when finding none, he sat up and discovered the reason for being even sorer than the previous night. He had fallen asleep on the floor.

"Damn," he muttered, pulling himself into a sitting position and leaning against the wall. The scalpel that he had gotten out the night before lay a few feet away, caked with a murky maroon. Getting to his feet slowly, grabbing the tool on his way up and pocketing it into his belt, he went to the cabinet and looked ovr his choices. Tylenol seemed his best bet, and he dry-swallowed two.

"Robin?" A tentative voice from the doorway, sing-songy even when wrought with worry, "Have you awoken yet?"

"Ye-," he cleared his throat and tried again, "Yeah, Star, I'll be out in a minute."

"Friend Raven is preparing our breakfast; it will be finished soon."

He smiled to himself while putting his gloves back on and rubbing his forearm lightly, at her inability to contain her concern. While it was an admirable character suit, it could also one day get her into trouble.

Then he locked on to what she had said - Raven cooking. She didn't have breakfast duty for another three weeks, and even when she was scheduled to cook, Cyborg or Beast Boy usually did the cooking for her, arguing incessantly even after all this time as housemates as to what should be made to be eaten for the day's beginning meal.

He made his way towards the door and while walking out of the room almost made the mbarasing mistake of walking straight into Starfire's chest, for she had been pressed close to the door and suspended n air. She was in her trademark despondent pose, with one arm gripping the other's elbow with her eyebrows furrowed, while slightly nibbling on her lower lip slowly.

"Are you feeling better today, Robin?" Starfire asked, oblivious to how close Robin had come to embedding himself into her 'grebnaks'. 1

"I'm fine, Star," he replied as gently as he could, walking down the hall towards the kitchen, the smells of waffles and bacon wafting gently and adding to the pounding in his head, no matter how delicious the aromas were.

"Hey man!" Cyborg waved a hand that clutched a full glass of milk and Robin watched as the white droplets dive-bombed headfirst and longingly to the table. Cyborg, unmindful as to where his drink was ending up, just ushered him over. "Rae's cookin' up some waffles," he licked his lips in utter delight and had a fork n his other hand at the ready.

"Yeah, she even remembered to make tofu things for me," Beast Boy sidled up behind Robin and pushed his leader towards the table. "She's really going all out." As he was sitting down, Beast Boy missed the knowing glance Robin threw at Raven, who's back was turned to her teammates as she moved around busy-bodily, more concerned about how her food turned out than their petty conversation.

"It was... a difficult night last night, yes? For all of us." Star, as she was wont to do, made sure to be as near to Robin as she could. He could only glance at her from behind his mask and for the first time was unable to bring himself to at least put a comforting hand -- no matter how insincere or false -- onto her shoulder.

Cyborg nodded, capturing Robin's gaze and the boy-wonder found he could not break the semi-android's gaze as his mismatched eyes serched him, feeling violated in two entirely different ways. "You'll want to keep the training down too, man, I don't want to risk any major heart problems."

"I know my limits," Robin said, meeting all three of their gazes, "I've learned my lesson, repeatedly enough. I can't risk my obsessions. It wouldn't be good for the team."

"Or you." That dry, slitely raspy voice hit him and his eyes shot to her. She was carrying over the food, almost a banquet for the titans. She brought the rest by her mind, as she calmly sipped on herbal tea. "Obsessions are normally unhealthy, but you've been known to borderline fatal."

He frowned at her, taking a bite of the blueberry waffle that Star had eagerly placed on his plate, along with sausage, eggs, a tofu-muffin, bacon and a spoonful of fruit salad. He was loath to admit it, but she was right of course. The first time nearly proved so with his teammates and this time with himself. Either way, there would have been blood spilled... onto _his_ hands.

"Will you be accompanying us to the mall of shopping, Robin?" Starfire asked hopefully and cheerily between bites of mustard-coated waffles.

"I think I'll stay here, Star. Like Cyborg said, I shouldn't risk any heart problems." He had added that reproachfully, though laced his voice with the sense of nothing amiss and began to angrily gnaw on his sausage.

"Would you wish me to stay?" Starfire's emerald eyes shone as she stared at him, trying to search him as she had done n the past so many times, but always got the same results: nothing but a startlingly white abyss.

"I think the quiet will do me some good, I didn't sleep well last night." A full out lie, he had slept better than he had days. He twirled the thought about in his mind of making a habit out of last night's proceedings.

"But Robin, what if -."

"I'll be here, Star," Raven said, eyes locking onto Robin as they had done the previous night. Searching and searching, trying to push through the wild vines and attacking thorn bushes to find the center of his being, to violate him once more. Although he no longer felt her presence still inside him, he felt just as naked and exposed to her when she stared right into his eyes. He tried to comfort himself by repeating that she couldn'tsee anything more than the rest of his teammates and Raven trying to figure him out should be no more unnerving as Star's own attempts.

But then again, Raven was capable of far more than Star. She had proved that in multiple ways.

He smirked triumphantly, pouring himself coffee and drinking it black. He flipped through his memory files and removed what he knew of Raven and looked through it greedily. She couldn't do anything without repercussions.

_Relax_, his mind said, _You've always been able to trust her before, why so paranoid now? She's still Raven, you're still Robin, and she hasn't done anything a good teammate wouldn't do. You're both fine, so chill._

Then why didn't it feel like it?

Cyborg stood up, dragging away a complaining Beast Boy from his half-eaten plate, "C'mon, Star, we wanna get there early."

"Yeah!" Beast Boy turned into a dog and began to nudge Starfire out of her seat. After complying with a few giggles and high-pitched squeaks, Beast Boy returned to normal state, "They've got the new Zombies from Mars III out!" He did an imitation and began to stalk around the room, "Braaaaiiiinnn," he drooled, eyes swirling crazily around in his head.

"All right, ya'll, you ready?" Cyborg stood out the door, and Beast Boy pounced on him as a leopard before leaping away merrily towards the garage. Cyborg quickly ran after him, yelling empty threats.

Star stalled as she floated away, glancing between her remaining teammates. "Robin, you are sure?"

He waved her off, flashing her that special soft smile he reserved only for her, "Of course, Star. I can take care of myself."

A low, but in no means timid, snort erupted in the following second of silence. Robin heard his neck creak as he slowly looked over at Raven, who was looking right back at him completely unperturbed. She quirked an eyebrow and tilted her head in Starfire's direction.

"Raven, you will contact me if... something were to... happen, yes?"

"Of course, Star," Raven broken Robin's intense glare, he felt he would spontaneously combust in a moment. "Now go, before Cyborg leaves without you."

"Oh!" With a squeak and a flash of bright red hair, Star was gone, leaving the human and the demon-halfling alone.  
--End Chapter One--

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1. I, myself, took the word 'grebnaks' for breasts. I'm a pervy-perv!

Author's Note: :::hides in shame/embarrassment::: dear god, where is the characterization?? WHERE?? I'm so sorry that the characters are horribly marred, and my god, is Cyborg hard to write for! Well... I know it's a lame excuse the mall thing to get the others out of the way, but... no, there is no excuse sigh... Again, sorry for all of them being so OOC, especially Robin. and for any typos!

-Holly


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